Monday, February 21, 2011

This happened

Today, I saw a girl wearing these gems on my way to work:

Considering it's winter and it's wet outside, it came as no surprise that when she stepped in a puddle, she then had something like this covering her feet:


Friday, February 18, 2011


I just, JUST, realized that my whole life I've used a word that doesn't exist. I didn't know I was doing this until I tried typing out a sentence using said word where I realized it was indeed not real.

The word is "nother," rhymes with "mother." A new and improved way to say "other."

The sentence I was going to use it in was "...that's a whole nother story." Not real, right? I can't believe I've done this my whole life and nobody has punched me. I even tried rationalizing with the idea that it could be slang for "another," just with an apostrophe, but that doesn't work either -- "that's a whole another story." NOPE.

Ok, back to work, I have nother things to do.

It's after Labor Day

I saw a child with a white winter coat today. Soak that in for a second. Maybe you can guess what Im about to say.

A CHILD WITH A WHITE COAT! What?! I know that when I have children I will dress them in brown because they fall, and drool, and are strangely drawn to mud. Also, this child lives in New York where the standing water in the street looks like concrete due to color similarities. Plus, I know that I, at 24, am not responsible enough to wear white, I think I remember staining the last white shirt I wore with cheese.

Maybe the real problem isn't that this kid was wearing white, maybe this is just a sign (cheese shirt) that Im not ready for kids, which I obviously already knew, nor am I interested at this point. But it was a just a little reminder to not reproduce. Except I do have to say the best conversation I had this morning was in the elevator of my apartment complex with a 3 year old.

Me: Do you want to press the button?
Boy:(nods) YEAH!
Me: Are you going to school?
Boy:Yes, And I can run really fast.

And that was it.

Monday, February 14, 2011

me and myself sitting in a tree.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I used to hate today, so much in fact that I insisted on giving sympathy cards out instead of mushy love cards. Then I had an epiphany. This is the only day that I can tell people how much I love myself without sounding like a complete asshole. Or I might sound like an asshole, but I don't really care because I'm entitled on February 14th, plus I can shower myself in chocolate.

I was supposed to go on a second date tonight, but decided it was too much pressure and would infringe on my star wars tradition, which by the way was borrowed from a friend of a friend, so i can't take all of the credit for such a great idea.


Friday, February 11, 2011

Excuse me, coming through

I have discovered the second best way to get through a crowd. Drum roll please.... follow closely behind someone who is talking to themselves! -- or singing, but im not sure that would be as effective as the first or so I assume because the first is pretty fool proof.

Valentines day plans are as follows: Bloody Marys (because they are red) and Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. YEAH!

Monday, February 7, 2011


Dear man on steroids, wearing a baby gap sized t-shirt tucked into your sweat pants, flexing your muscles while reading nudie magazines in Penn Station next to an elderly woman,

That Capri Sun that you're drinking doesn't go well with your image although I applaud your flavor choice.